Aug
Articles, Personal Growth
How to Act Instead of React
Learn how to act (rather than react) to whatever life throws at you next…
Viktor Frankl was an Austrian neurologist, psychologist and Holocaust survivor who famously said this,
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
This is a truly profound concept – one that has the potential to transform the way we live (if we let it). Let’s start by unpacking the idea a little more: According to Viktor, there’s a space between whatever life throws at us, and how we respond. When we are not in control of our emotions, this space is tiny – almost infinitesimal.
We react without thinking. We don’t choose our behavior’s so much as just act them out. Real personal growth and freedom come from not just minding this gap, but making it bigger – allowing for more space and time between whatever happens to us, and how we respond to it.
When we learn how to do this, we begin to choose how to respond, rather than simply reacting impulsively and living to regret it. Said a little differently and perhaps over-dramatically:
“Those learn how to lengthen this gap, have learned how to master their strongest instincts (instead of being mastered by them like the rest of us).”
Here are a few steps to making the gap a little bigger:
IN THE MOMENT:
If you feel like you have a tendency to react first, and regret it later, here’s what to do the next time you’re faced with a stressful situation…
– Pay attention to how your body reacts when your limbic system is activated into ‘fight or flight’. This is the part of our brains hard-wired to take over when our minds register perceived danger or real stress. Your pulse might quicken, you might feel dizzy, or all your muscles might tense.
Learn how to quickly recognise these signs as flashing warning lights that you’re about to react (rather than thoughtfully, calmly respond).
– Next, look for the ‘space’ – that gap between the situation and your knee-jerk response to it. However small and short-lived it might appear – it’s there! Can you find it? Remind yourself that you need not always be controlled by your strongest emotions – the choice is always yours – it’s hiding in that gap.
– Now breathe. Every time you’re in a stressful situation that you typically find yourself reacting negatively to, start to take several slow, deep breaths before responding. Focus on your breaths, count from 1 to 10 as you inhale through your nose, then count from 10 to 1 as you exhale out of your mouth.
While you’re doing this, you’re giving yourself a few precious seconds to pull away from the present crisis and gain some much-needed oxygen and perspective. You’re also telling your body that it needn’t stay in ‘fight/flight’ mode.
Only when your brain feels safe can your higher, executive functioning take back the reins.
– Respond, don’t react. So easy to say, much harder to put into practice, we know! Before you respond though, think about who you are, what you value, and who you want to be in your best moments. Let this version of you guide how you respond.
LATER ON:
When you’re not in the heat of the moment, take some time to reflect on the following:
– Think about the root of your reactions. Recognise that often times, our overly-strong reactions point to unresolved wounds from our past, they have less to do with the actual problem, person or issue in front of us. There is a reason that you react as you do.
It has a root, connected to something you believe about yourself or the world around you. The problem is, sometimes these beliefs are faulty and altogether unhelpful or untrue!
For example, you might have a deep fear of being rejected. This might make you overly-sensitive and defensive to any perceived criticism.
Rather than attack or lash out – set your sights on attacking the root of the lie you’ve believed all this time. Bring it into the light, and allow more helpful, truth-filled, empowering beliefs about yourself and those around you to replace the old ones.
– Reflect on the outcome of your reactions. Pay more attention to the results of your reactions. Don’t ignore or diminish any of the negative consequences.
Think about some better ways to respond next time. Imagine doing these and the more positive consequences they could lead to instead.
– Don’t give up. When you don’t get it right and find yourself reacting in the worst ways – don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve probably spent years reacting in a certain way and thinking certain thought patterns, now that you want to change, don’t be surprised when this takes time, patience and lots of practice.
Two steps forward, one step back – that’s how we move around here. Think of it as God’s way of getting you to Cha-Cha your way through life!
What do you think mums?
What situations tend to tip you over the edge and see you reacting like a bull to a red flag?
What roots might be under theses strong reactions?
Will you be trying any of these pointers next time?
Let us know in the comments below.
We can always learn to be better thank you
I jave read, and understood now much just to learn to put to practice.
Great article. Life happens , your reaction to it is what matters. Never ever give up. This too shall pass.
I needed to hear this because most of the time I always react in a situation and the outcome of that are not good.
thank you sometime you have too breath and listen first now i will try this it will take time but i will try
Thnx mumbox… Definitely needed to hear this.
Oh yes I will definitely practice especially when I am dealing with a situation where I have to make a big decision in my life. Thanks a lot
I have so enjoyed reading these articles. Very informative and helpful.
Thank you for putting it out here for our growth.
Oh my word, this is just what I needed to read! It’s definitely something I need to work on. I usually react and explode instead of keeping quiet and staying calm. I’ll keep a bottle of kiddies bubbles close by and try and blow bubbles instead of reacting. Thanks Mumbox.
Thank you I am definitely going to try these tips I feel like these article is talking to me
Wow this is really profound. i love this way of thinking, might be hard to put into practice but it is worth a try.