We are afraid of pain – but we were made for pain

Every now and then you come across something that once you hear or see, changes something in you and changes the way you look at things – for the better.

This is what happened when we heard the below expert from a talk done by Glennon Doyle:

 

The problem is when we transport ourselves out of feeling pain, or failure, we miss out on the transformation – because everything that we need to become the people we are meant to become next, is actually inside the pain and the failure.

We are like caterpillars who jump out of the cocoon right before we would have turned into butterflies.

Because pain is actually a traveling professor, and it knocks on everybody’s door and the wisest ones say “Come in and sit down and don’t leave until you’ve taught me what I need to know”

We have it all wrong.

We are afraid of pain, but we were made for pain.

Because the journey of becoming our best selves means we need to rush toward the pain and allow the pain to become our power.

If we stopped fearing pain, we would become such better parents too.

I was at a parenting convention recently and this woman raised her hand and she said

“My family is broken and there is nothing I can do to fix it. It’s done.

And my little boy is in so much pain, and every day I look at him and I think “Oh my God, I had one job.

My one job was to protect him from pain, and I couldn’t do it. And I feel like such a failure.”

I said to her

“Okay, hold a second. can you give me three words that you would want to describe the kind of man you’re trying to raise?”

And she said,

I want him to be kind, and I want him to be wise, and I want him to be resilient.”

I said to her “Okay, and what is it in a human life that creates kindness and wisdom and resilience. It’s pain.”

That’s it.

It’s the struggle.

It’s not having NOTHING to overcome – it’s overcoming and overcoming and overcoming pain and failure.

So – is it possible that we are trying to protect our children from the one thing that will allow them to become the people we dream they’ll be?

And is it possible that we all feel like failures because we have the wrong job description?

Because it was never our job, nor our right, to protect our children from their pain.

Our job is to point them directly toward it and say,

That was meant for you, and I see your fear, and it’s real. And it’s big, but I see your courage and it’s bigger!

For us, in our personal lives, for our relationships, for our world, the pattern is and always will be

First the pain

Then the waiting

Then the rising

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10 thoughts on “We are afraid of pain – but we were made for pain

  1. AlanaRhode says:

    Wow, actually had this conversation with my husband yesterday about navigating pain especially as parents. We tend to hide our emotions for the sake of our kids and somehow surpress it and using the excuse I’ll deal with it later and when later comes we have another excuse, the kids kept me so busy I never got around to deal with my emotions. Which can be terrible because build up emotions and pain will never result into anything goodm

  2. mohapithatomary says:

    Pain always outgrow us and I think it not about pain it’s about what I learnt through that pain
    It helps us not to repeat same mistakes all over again.
    Thank you for such powerful words

  3. mohapithatomary says:

    Pain always outgrow us and I think it not about pain it’s about what I learnt through that pain
    It helps us not to repeat same mistakes all over again.
    Thank you for such powerful words they’re so encouraging.