Mar
Thanks to a number of different factors, more and more kids are not leaving home after high school. It’s not just here in SA either – across the world – kids are staying at home far longer.
Known as the ‘boomerang’ generation, many more are returning after a stint away from home.
If you’re living with your adult children, here are a few insights to ensure your home remains a happy one:
Count the cost
Parents often underestimate how much it costs them when they allow their kids to live at home rent-free into their adult years. Many times they’re forced to put their own plans on hold, or they risk jeopardizing their retirement.
Paying rent can help you both – of course the extra money will help you cover your bills, but in the long run, paying rent will help your adult children too. Even if you feel you don’t really need the money, and don’t want to seem rude or unhappy with your kids still living at home, all adults eventually need to be responsible for their own living costs.
Allowing them to contribute will teach them to be responsible for their own financial wellbeing so that when you’re eventually no longer with them, they’ll still be able to take care of themselves.
Rent can take on different forms
If your adult child is unable to pay toward their living expenses, they could contribute in other ways… taking care of important chores or house maintenance for example.
Whether you choose to charge your young adults rent or just ask them to contribute to some of the household expenses and chores, it’s crucial that they appreciate that living in your house is now not so much a right as it was when they were younger. Now, they must share in some of the real responsibilities too.
Nest eggs in the making
If you’re financially stable and your adult children are saving for a big purchase like a home, then letting them live rent-free so they can save faster can be a good idea.
To help them really save though, consider still charging them rent and saving that money yourself, then giving it back to them as a gift when they’re ready to make the big purchase (and move out). Even if money will go back to them in the end, be strict about collecting rent so that they take it seriously too.
Clarify expectations
This requires honest communication.
- Do you expect your child to do housework, contribute to groceries and bills, and pay rent while he/she stays with you?
- How long are you willing to let them live in your home?
- Will they have access to your car?
- And what do you need to see them do in terms of job hunting, if they’re unemployed?
Really think through what you want and what you’re willing to put up with, and then talk it through. In turn, it’s important to listen to your child openly and respectfully.
You have the final word as the parent but you should try to be open to your adult kid’s input. There are all sorts of things that come up for your kids that make living with their parents uncomfortable for them.
Consider your own needs
As a parent, we’re often used to putting ourselves second. But it’s time to really think about what you can and can’t live with.
- What are your bottom lines?
- What are your values?
- What do you expect your child to adhere to if they’re living under your roof?
Make sure your child knows these things and respects your rules. If they don’t, there’s too much room for resentments to build.
And really, who wants to live in a home full of that toxic stuff?
Remember too mums, that it’s never too late to start these conversations. If your grown kids are already living with you, why not use this article as a means to “start fresh.” Sit down with them and say, “Things haven’t been working out quite the way we planned. Let’s start over.”
Mums, do any of your adult children live with you and have you worked out any ground rules with them and how is it working out?
Comment below to share your thoughts x
I lived with my parents until i got married at the age of 24. I started casual work when i was in school, then after college started working full time. Besides rent i always contributed in other ways, like buying things for the household for eg. household chores, Detergents, toiletries, smaller groceries items etc.
I don’t have adult children yet but teaching them these tips is beneficial. It definitely teaches them a sense of responsibility and leads to maturity. We live with my mother inlaw and pay rent. Its only right to contribute to the household, life is so expensive these days. I have a 9 year old and 1 year old, i will definitely be guiding them in the right direction as they reach their adult years.
My first born is still 6 years old so I have enough time to think about the next 10 years to come 😅, but I would love to see her walking on my footsteps, I moved out of home for varsity at the age of 18 and I’ve been independent and responsible ever since. It has taught me a lot
I’ve always said that my kids have until 18 to live with me after that they must go live at varsity or close to school and they have at least 5 years of me funding their education and lifestyle, if they still haven’t graduated by that 5 years then their on their own. They must get jobs to continue where I left off because I will be focusing 🧘🏽♀️ on my life
I am the adult child that has moved back in with my parents. It’s been a adjustment but myself and my kids are aware that it’s there house and there rules like it was when I was growing up.
My kids are still young and i will always have ground rules no matter what
My children are still young and stay with me, we discuss rules and how they need to adhere to the rules of the house until they find their own feet. respect is a ground tool for a peaceful home.
This article hit close to my upbringing, my mother was really strict about this and always made us pay our way for sure, lol, but it really taught us responsibility as well as money management skills and other independent aspects. I definitely enforce these rules on my kids as well, already at a young age, ensure they are responsible and can hopefully be independent one day.
It’s great information to have e if ever my kids will return home when they older and setting rules is very important
My kids are still young, for now I am thinking that I will let them stay with us until they have stable jobs and they are ready to be independent but they will nd must adhere to my rules