Why Tenacity Trumps Talent

“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” – Albert Einstein. Staying power, grit, perseverance, tenacity.

The stubborn refusal to give up or give in easily is something we parents tend to dread in our fiesty toddlers, but it’s the exact same quality we must foster in them if they are to one day succeed in the real world.

In fact, as Einstein alluded to decades back, many international studies have gone on to prove that tenacity trumps raw talent. By a long way…

Best-selling author, Angela Duckworth, even wrote a book entitled: Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance.

Based on her own research, Duckworth reveals that the ability to keep going is the key to success when compared to natural talent or intelligence.

According to her findings, rather than telling kids how special they are, we should be encouraging them to persevere — especially when the going gets tough.

And fortunately, unlike natural talent, grit isn’t something any of us are born with (or without).

It’s something we can all consciously improve on, at any age.

It starts with shifting your mindset.

Instead of expecting life to be easy (for you and your kids), anticipate curveballs, unexpected bumps in the road, and more than a few potholes ahead!

Far from being especially afflicted, see these as opportunities to grow in grit.

Next, stand back.

Be careful not to disempower your child’s ability to grow in tenacity. Well-meaning moms and dads often rob their children of this opportunity, swooping in at the slightest occurrence of discomfort or hardship.

Like a butterfly that needs to struggle its way out of its cocoon in order to gain the strength to fly, so do our children need to face their own struggles and conquer their own daunting challenges in order to realize they have what it takes to succeed on their own.

And finally, breathe deep!

We can’t expect to have perseverance without also growing in patience. A time-tested biblical proverb puts it like this: ‘Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city’.

Parenting does more than develop character in our child. It develops character in us parents!

Patience is the ability to fill the seconds and minutes of being slowed down by young lives with meaning, with breathing more deeply, with self-control, and calm. Seen in this way, impatience in us as parents is itself a picture of our own lack of grit – it strikes when we’ve given up on staying calm and in control of our emotions!

Auschwitz-surviving psychologist Victor Frankl reminds us that between the stimulus (our child’s non-compliance or lack of action) and our response (to shout or to stay calm) is a small gap, called free will.

Patience, like perseverance, is a choice.

It’s a choice that needs to be made again and again and again, multiple times a day if you have young kids. Growing in both patience and perseverance requires that we cooperate with what life brings to us, rather than trying to coerce it.

It is the choice to accept the delay or detour and to use it to strengthen us instead of diminishing us.

And while perseverance may be the key to success, let’s not pretend that it means we should never, ever give up. In fact, knowing when things are not working out and changing course accordingly is a crucial life skill too.

Giving up on something that isn’t a true passion is fine.

And sometimes, we bite off more than we can chew and have to face reality. But what a tragedy if we (or our kids) fail to achieve our dreams simply because we gave up after a setback.

Instead, let’s breathe deep, step back and show each and every setback who’s boss!

You’ve got this, mums!