Your Child’s Mental Health

As our kids grow, it’s our job to guide them. We watch over them as they learn to walk then run and skip, we show them how to brush their teeth, and teach them to chew with their mouths closed.

We help them to learn their colors and shapes and how to count. Yet amidst all this physical and mental development, let’s not forget that they need just as much coaching to develop their emotional and mental health.

Perhaps even more important than getting to those back molars and naming their shapes—our kids need to learn how to access and name their feelings.

In celebration of Mental Health Awareness Month, here are a few tips to help you to help your kids to form healthy habits of mind…

WATCH YOUR WORDS

Our voice becomes our children’s inner voice. Let that sink in for a minute. Your words are not water off a duck’s back to your kids. They are like seeds. And some will grow roots that embed in their hearts and soft minds until it’s almost impossible to tell where their own thoughts begin and your words end.

In honor of this great responsibility, let’s be mindful of the way we speak – to our kids and in front of them.

Let’s shower them with life-giving words while their minds are still fertile ground. Let’s spot what they’re doing right and encourage them far more than we criticise or discipline them.

And when the days are long and they’ve pushed us to the edge of our thresholds, instead of lashing out, let’s bite our tongues and not use words to wound, shame, or punish. In these times, silence really is golden.

PAY ATTENTION TO SELF-TALK

It’s difficult to give to others what we don’t first give to ourselves. This includes things like kindness and grace. So let’s stop berating ourselves and beating ourselves up. Let’s start treating our own selves with the respect and care we try to extend to our loved ones.

Remember, more is caught than can be taught… so quit the negative self-talk before it spreads.

When you make a mistake, instead of saying under your breath, “I’m so stupid!” say, “Oops, let me try that again!” Instead of bursting into a rage-soaked soliloquy when life doesn’t go according to plan and thinking, “I cannot cope!” try saying, “I didn’t see that coming, but I’ve got this!”

When someone compliments you, don’t shrug it off or refute their flattery, rather graciously accept it like the worthy woman you are (especially when your mini-me’s are watching).

FREE YOUR KIDS TO REALLY FEEL

Learning to name, accept and process our emotions is fundamental to emotional and mental wellbeing. The younger we start to do this, the better.

So instead of dismissing your little one’s feelings, give them words to help them name their feeling, and then provide space for them to feel them. Feelings like sadness, anxiety, fear, or anger are not intrinsically bad. It’s not ‘right’ to feel happy and ‘wrong’ to feel sad.

So instead of saying, “Don’t be sad!” or “Stop your crying!” try saying, “I can see you’re feeling very angry. Would you like a hug or some alone time?”

Last words on this point from Rebecca Eanes: “So often, children are punished for being human. They are not allowed to have grumpy moods, bad days, disrespectful tones, or bad attitudes.

Yet we adults have them all the time. None of us are perfect. We must stop holding our kids to a higher standard of perfection than we can attain ourselves.”

LISTEN UP

Parenting author, Stephen Covey once wrote, “If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in all relationships, it would be this: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

When we seek to listen, we spark a chain reaction in which the person who is genuinely listened to feels naturally inspired to listen to our point of view in return, or to someone else’s. Mark Kopta, a professor of psychology, agrees: “My golden rule is when you have trouble with a child, listen to them first and then empathize with them before you say anything.”

Listening is kindness made audible.

It’s the quietest form of kindness. It’s also the cheapest form of therapy! So make sure you’re making time to really listen to your little ones.

Move away from trying to always fix their problems or teach them something, and toward helping them to fix their own problems and work out their own solutions. As our kids grow, what they most need from us is to feel seen and heard.

Just connecting with our kids, especially when they open up about their struggles (no matter how ‘mini’ they may be to us), is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.

MAKE ROOM FOR MARGIN

Even little kids are getting anxious at unprecedented rates these days. Make sure that you’re modeling and making space for healthy margin amidst the mayhem… for time in nature, for time to not be ‘productive’, but just to switch off from screens and really play, rest and laugh together.

Little kids especially learn most and grow best (physically, emotionally, and mentally) through playing, getting enough sleep, not eating too much sugar, and not spending too much time on screens.

Finally, speaking of margin, let’s all work toward increasing our margin for error, and enlarging our definition of success. It’s really, really not the end of the world if/when we make mistakes, even big ones.

At the end of the day, if your kids are somewhat healthy and happy, and you’ve taken the time to read this far on how to look after their mental health – you’re already doing an amazing job mom, regardless of how successful you may or may not feel.

As you give yourself permission to be a ‘good enough’ parent – give your kids the same space to be ‘good enough’ too, regardless of how few podium finishes or gold medals they win!

Mums, did you learn anything new from this article? Or do you have anything you would like to share from your experience?

Comment below and let us know x