Unfortunately for us, dating as a single mother comes with a lot of stressors and considerations. Dating without children is difficult enough, but adding that dynamic into the mix can make it seem almost impossible and really dishearten us or even stop us from trying to find someone that could make us happy.
Though being a mother is a huge and very important part of our identity, we need to remember that we are whole women with needs and wants beyond our children.
You deserve to be happy and have every personal need fulfilled, and if that includes a partner then you shouldn’t hold back.
If you feel fulfilled, it’ll actually reflect on your children and help you to be a more present and attentive mum.
Here are some things to keep in mind when diving back into dating:
Pick the Right Time
Consider where on your list of priorities dating falls – really consider. This might be hard as your kids will always be on top of your list, but try to think in terms of personal priorities.
Will a relationship make you feel more fulfilled at this time? Then set aside a couple of evenings or mornings for it.
Work Through Your Guilt
Guilt is often a huge factor that stops us, mums, from getting back into the dating scene, as we often think that it means neglecting our children. This is absolutely not the case, and desiring a fulfilling romantic relationship does not make you selfish.
If it’s going to make you happy, respect yourself enough to go for it. Your kids will be happy if you are.
Don’t Keep Your Kids a Secret
Sometimes we fear that our kids will ruin our chances of finding someone, but if you keep them a secret from your potential partner it will only cause more issues in the long run. Besides, you don’t want someone that’s not going to love your kids anyway!
If they’re worth it, they’ll appreciate you for the woman you are as a whole.
Introduce Your Partner Thoughtfully
First and foremost, make sure that the relationship is serious before bringing it up with your children. Consistency is important to them and will help them to better understand and become comfortable with your new partner.
Start by bringing them up in conversation with your kids and telling them that you’d like to introduce them. Give them the opportunity to ask questions and listen to what they have to say on the topic. It might be hard, but try to be patient with them if they react badly.
They may fear that your new partner is a threat to their time with you, but eventually, they will come to understand that that’s not the case.
Though it’s important to listen to them and validate their feelings, their reaction should not stop you from continuing your relationship. By reminding them that they are your top priority and are loved unconditionally, they’ll get to a point where they become more comfortable and receptive.
Make sure to make time for them away from your partner as much as you do with them.
Mums, are you a single parent or dating after divorce? How was your experience and how were your kids? Comment below to let us know x